Welcome -Indian Jokes

General...

What if the IT Industry start making films?
Some future desi film titles will be like :

(01) Meri disk tumhare paas hai
(02) Aao chat kare
(03) Programmer no.1
(04) Mera naam developer
(05) Java wale job le jayenge
(06) Hum aapke memory mein rahate hain
(07) Do processor baarah terminal
(08) Tera code chal gaya
(09) Har Din jo mail Karega
(10) Network Ke Us Paar
(11) Debugging koi Khel nahi
(12) Jis Desh mein Bill(gates) rahata Hai
(13) Raju ban gaya MCSE..!
(14) Client ek numbari, PROGRAMMER Dus Nambari
(15) Login karo sajana
(16) Naukar PC ka
(17) DOWN to hona hi tha
(18) Partition (Deewar)
(19) 1942 - A Bug Story
(20) Kaho Na Virus Hai
(21) dot-Company Company
(22) Program Instruction Aur Method (Pyar Ishq ...)
(23) Crash Se Crash Tak(QSQT)
(24) Haan Meine Bhi Debug Kiya Hai
(25) BugVadh
(26) Logon (Lagaan)
(27) Shaheed Hacker Singh
(28) Hacker 420
(29) Password De Ke Dekho
(30) Terminal Apna Login Parayi
(31) Mr Network Lal
(32) Meine Debug Kiya
(33) Terminal Sajake Rakhna
(34) Debuggers ki Rani Hackers ka Raja
(35) Kyonki Mein Debug Nahin Karta
(36) Phir Teri Perl-Script Yaad Aayi
(37) Crash To Hona Hi Tha
(38) Yeh Tera Terminal Yeh Mera Terminal

TOP

STATE of BIHAR > DRIVING LICENSE APPLIKASON PHAROM

NOTE : If you dont know the answers, please copy from another
applikason phorom and submit.

For further instructions, see bottom applikason. Please do not shoot
the person at the applikason kounter. He will give you the lisence
immediately.

a.. Last name
a.. (Yadav/Sinha/Pandey/Mishra/do not know)
b.. Phust name:
a.. (_) Ramprasad
b.. (_) Lakhan
c.. (_) Sivaprasad
d.. (_) Jamnaprasad
e.. (_) Dont know
f.. (Check appropriate box)
c.. Age:
a.. (_) Less than zero
b.. (_) Zero
c.. (_) Greater than zero
d.. (_) Don't know
d.. Sex:
a.. ____ M _____ F _____ not sure _____ not applicable
e.. Chappal Size:
a.. ____ Left ____ Right
f.. Occupassan :
> > (_) Politician
> > (_) Doodhwala
> > (_) Pehelwaan
> > (_) House wife
> > (_) Un-employed
g.. Bhife Name: __________________________
h.. Relationship with Bhife :
> > (_) Sister
> > (_) Brother
> > (_) Aunt
> > (_) Uncle
> > (_) Cousin
> > (_) Mother
> > (_) Father
> > (_) Son
> > (_) Daughter
> > (_) Pet
i.. Number of children living in household: ___
> > Number that are yours: ___
j.. Mother's Name: _______________________
k.. Phather's Name: _______________________
l.. Heducasson : 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)
m.. Do you (_)own or (_)rent your home? (Check appropriate box)
n.. ___ Total number of vehicles you own
> > ___ Number of vehicles that still crank
> > ___ Number of vehicles in front yard
> > ___ Number of vehicles in back yard
> > ___ Number of vehicles on cement blocks
o.. Firearms you own and where you keep them:
> > ____ truck
> > ____ bedroom
> > ____ bathroom
> > ____ kitchen
> > ____ shed
p.. Model and year of your pickup: _____________ 194_
q.. Do you have a gun rack? (_)Yes (_) No; If no, please explain:
r.. Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to:
> > (_) Champak
> > (_) Indrajal
> > (_) Star and style
> > (_) The great Bihar Dairy
> > (_) Blank sheets
s.. ___ Number of times you've SHOT a UFO
t.. ___ Number of times you've SHOT another person exactly like you
u.. ___ Number of times you've SHOT yourself.(SHOOTING YOURSELF IN MIRROR IS POOR SHOOTING)
v.. Do you bathe?
> > (_) Yes
> > (_) No
> > (_) Not applicable
w.. If yes, how often do you bathe?
> > (_) Weekly
> > (_) Monthly
> > (_) Yearly
x.. Color of teeth:
> > (_) Yellow
> > (_) Brownish-Yellow
> > (_) Brown
> > (_) Black
> > (_) Others - Give exact color (call nearest Asian Paints dealer if U dont know the color
of your teeth)
> > (_) Not applicable
y.. How far is your home from a paved road?
> > (_)1 mile (_)2 miles (_)don't know
____________________
Your thumb impresson
(If you are copying from another applikason pharom, please do not
copy thumb impression also. Please provide your own thumb impression.)

PLEASE DO NOT USE FINGERS OF YOUR LEGS.
Use thumb on your left hand only. If you dont have left hand, use your
thumb on right hand. If you do not have right hand, use thumb on left
hand.

NOTE : IF YOU DONT HAVE BOTH HANDS, YOU CANNOT DRIVE.

For instructions to fill this applikason pharom, see beginning of
applikason phorom.

Ishmile and have a Nice Day every day !

TOP

Clear DaySubject: A letter from an Indian mother to her son

My dear Jagjit,

I am in a well here and hoping you are also in a well there.
I'm writing this letter slowly, because I know you cannot read fast.
We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen 20 miles from home, so we moved 20miles.

I won't be able to send the address as the last Sardar who stayed here took the house numbers with them for their new house so they would not have to change their address.

Hopefully by next week we will be able to take our earlier address plate here, and that our address will remain same too.

This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine, situated right above the toilet I'm not sure it works too well. Last week I put in 3 shirts, pulled the chain and haven't seen them since.

The weather here isn't too bad. It rained only twice last week. The First time it rained for 3 days and second time for 4 days.

The coat you wanted me to send you, your Aunt said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with all the metal buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pocket.

Your father has another job. He has 500 men under him. He is cutting the grass at the cemetery.

By the way I took Bahu to our club's poolside. The manager is Badmash. He told her that two piece swimming suit is not allowed in his club. We were confused as to which piece should we remove?

Your sister had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether it is a girl or a boy, so I don't know whether you are an Aunt or Uncle.

Your uncle, Jetinder fell in the nearby well. Some men tried to pull Him out, but he fought them off bravely and drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days.

Your best friend, Balwinder, is no more. He died trying to fulfill his father's last wishes. His father had wished to be buried in the sea after he died. And your friend died while in the process of digging a grave for his father.

There isn't much more news this time. Nothing much has happened.

Love - Mom.

P.S. Jagjit, I was going to send you some money but by the time I
realized, I had already sealed off this letter.

TOP

A "Husband Shopping Centre" was opened where a woman could go to choose
from among many men, to be her husband. It was laid out in five floors, with
the men increasing in positive attributes as you ascended up the floors.
The only rule was, once you opened the door to any floor, you must choose a man from that floor, and if you went up a floor, you couldn't go back down except to leave the place.

So, a couple of girlfriends go to the place to find men.

First floor, the door had a sign saying: "These men have jobs and love kids."

The women read the sign and say: "Well that's better than not having jobs, or not loving kids, but I wonder what's further up?" So up they go.

Second floor says: "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking". "Hmmm", say the girls, "But, I wonder what's further up?"

Third floor: "These men have high paying jobs, are extremely good looking, love kids and help with the housework." "Wow!" say the women. "Very tempting, BUT, there's more further up!" And so again, they go up.

Fourth floor: "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak."
"Oh, mercy me. But just think!?!?! What must be awaiting us further on!"

So up to the fifth floor they go. The sign on that door said: "This floor is just to prove that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping and have a nice day!!"

TOP

EVER WONDER...

...why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

...why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

...why you don't ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

...why "abbreviated" is such a long word?

...why doctors call what they do "practice"?

...why you have to click on "Start" to stop Windows 98?

...why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?

...why the man who invests all your money is called a broker?

...why there isn't mouse-flavored cat food?

...who tastes dog food when it has a "new & improved" flavor?

...why Noah didn't swat those two mosquitoes?

...why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

...why they don't make the whole plane out of the material used for the indestructible black
box ?

...why sheep don't shrink when it rains?

...why they are called apartments when they are all stuck together?

...if con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

...why they call the airport "the terminal" if flying is so safe?

TOP

In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed because of stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.

On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (but that's the only time I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of Fritos: ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. details inside. (the shoplifter special)?

On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how???....)

On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down."(well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:"Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought????...)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and...I'm taking this because???....)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?)

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (....DUH !!)

I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one: sOn a Swedish chainsaw:"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
(...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

TOP